What it says: ORGANIC

You think it means: Heaven-sent manna, completely devoid of any synthetic or artificial substance

It actually means: Not as artificial as it could be

The standard: Organic food is grown without pesticides, hormones, synthetic fertilizers, artificial flavor enhancers, or genetically engineered organisms. The U.S. organic standard as set by the Department of Agriculture is 554 pages long and lists dozens of prohibited ingredients, from arsenic to strychnine. Certain enzymes, acids, and waxes, however, pass the feds’ organic test.

Certified by: Federally authorized “certifying agents”—paid outside auditors

Producers say: “As a farmer, I like the challenge of making something grow with as few outside inputs as possible. On my dinner table, it’s a matter of health.” —Carmen Fernholz, farmer in Madison, Minnesota

Beware of: Food that says it’s “made with” organic ingredients. This is not the same as “organic.” Look for the USDA seal.

What it says: FAIR TRADE

You think it means: Short-circuiting a system that forces some men to pick beans so others can recline in coffee shops

It actually means: Tipping farmers on other continents

The standard: Suppliers have to meet an international standard for wages, labor rights, and working conditions. Small worker-run farming cooperatives are preferred suppliers, and are guaranteed a set minimum price for their crops.

Certified by: TransFair USA, a private nonprofit

Producers say: “Fair Trade coffee has … more body, fewer defects and a stronger aroma. With cocoa, we look for the same high quality, aromatic cacao that is used to produce fine chocolates.” —Santagio Paz, member of farming co-op, Peru

Beware of: Nestlé, the world’s largest food company, which just this year began marketing a Fair Trade Certified coffee product, perhaps to smooth over well-documented allegations of using child slaves to harvest cocoa in Africa.

What it says: ALL NATURAL

You think it means: From the earth’s very bosom, unadulterated by the foul hand of man

It actually means: Less “natural” than organic, making it about as natural as polyester

The standard: The FDA allows “all natural” to appear on products that don’t contain added colors or “artificial flavors.” Some plant and animal derivatives like high-fructose corn syrup qualify as “natural” but must appear in the product’s ingredients list.

Certified by: No one, though companies face big federal penalties if they lie on their labels. Caveat emptor.

Producers say: “For us the term ‘natural’ means products made with no synthetic ingredients, including artificial flavors, colors, or preservatives.” —Elisabeth Wenner, spokesperson, Kraft Foods

Beware of: “Natural flavorings” listed among the ingredients. All kinds of fermented, distilled, and otherwise chemically treated substances can pass through this loophole.

What it says: DOLPHIN SAFE

You think it means: No dolphins were harmed or killed during the making of this tuna

It actually means: Dolphin-friendly

The standard: “Purse-seine” nets are the most dolphin-hazardous fishing tool. These giant floating tea bags are often intentionally set on dolphins, which are known to swim with schools of tuna. Purse-seine netting is allowed, so long as no dolphin mortalities are observed. Boats that use purse-seine nets are assigned a “dolphin mortality limit”—usually around 50 dolphins per boat per year.

Certified by: Observers from the Inter-American Tropical Tuna Commission

Producers say: “When I shop in the U.S., I don’t even always look for the dolphin-safe label. Pretty much all the tuna on the supermarket shelf is dolphin-safe.” —David Bratten, scientist at the IATTC; former tuna-boat observer

Beware of: Not much. The dolphin-safe label is a big success. The number of dolphins killed by fisherman in the tropical Pacific fell from 132,000 in 1986 to less than 1,500 in 2004, according to the IATTC.

What it says: NOT ANIMAL TESTED

You think it means: The makers of this toothpaste or mascara product would never hurt a fly, let alone a rabbit

It actually means: “Cruelty-Lite,” but not quite “Cruelty-Free”

The standard: Companies agree to conduct no animal testing, but may still market products and ingredients that were tested on animals in the past. All suppliers must also make a written commitment to stop testing. Overall, the standard is fairly rigorous, developed by an international coalition that includes the Humane Society.

Certified by: A private independent auditor, every three years

Producers say: “The rabbit means we’re helping the earth by not being cruel to animals. … It’s just one of the many things we do to help ‘Spaceship Earth,’ as my father would say.” —Ralph Bronner, VP, Dr. Bronner’s Soap

Beware of: The words “cruelty-free” and “not tested on animals”—they are meaningless without the leaping bunny logo. Also, keep an eye on animal-friendly Tom’s of Maine, which was recently acquired by Colgate-Palmolive.

What it says: LOW FAT

You think it means: “This food will make you thin”

It actually means: Less fat (though perhaps more sugar and flavor engineering)

The standard: In the U.S., “Low Fat” means no more than three grams of fat per serving. “Fat Free” means less than half a gram per serving. Entreés and main courses are granted a bit of a loophole—no more than 30 percent of their calories can come from fat.

Certified by: The FDA sets the standard, but there are no regular outside audits

Producers say: “Fat is usually where the flavor is. But the consumer wants less fat in their diet, so lowfat is a balance, a compromise.” —Albert Straus, president, Straus Family Creamery, Marshall, California

Beware of: Two-percent milk. Thanks to the dairy lobby, it is labeled “reduced fat,” even though it contains 62 percent of the fat found in “whole” milk. Also, remember that not all fats are created equal. Saturated, tropical, and trans fats are bad.